OK, I’ve been out mowing grass again; that’s where I get my “big” ideas. The Theory of Everything is sort of the Holy Grail of physics, the quest for a single theory that would unify General Relativity and Quantum Field Theory.
One of the (many) complaints you’ll hear about birthers on this site is that the birthers lack a coherent narrative. They criticize the standard theory (to be found in a biography of the President, an encyclopedia, or mainstream news article) based on various anomalies they think exist; however, they have never come up with any alternative narrative that fits the facts better, or even comes close to it.
So as I was mowing, I was thinking about how anti-birthers make fun of birthers for two reasons: one reason is to ridicule, belittle, downplay and dismiss them (in lieu of a scholarly dissection) and the other reason is that sometimes they are just funny. It was in that latter sense that I ran through in my mind the article from the King of Shambhala at Before It’s News. It was his notion that “All the obots here are CIA pai[d] shills” that set me to thinking about a birther “Theory of Everything.”
In order to fit all the disparate birther semi-theories into a grand unified theory, it is necessary to develop a high-level meta-theory to explain the differences. The solution is obvious: posit a single powerful intelligence (PI) behind everything, who through bribery and coercion controls just about all the players in the birther controversy. So, for example, if Mike Zullo gets caught red-handed fabricating evidence, then either Zullo is part of the conspiracy whose role is to misdirect and discredit the birthers, or he is just gullible and the people who feed him theories are under the control of the PI. I mean, how else can you explain birthers still filing 100 lawsuits after 100 of them had been dismissed, if someone wasn’t paying them to do it?
Under the PI theory, it becomes clear that the long-form birth certificate was carefully constructed to mislead the birthers, salted with anomalies to make them waste time looking for more, but none conclusive enough to stand up to expert scrutiny. The Obama’s themself make ambiguous statements about the President’s roots, again to drive the birthers nuts, while leaving others skeptical. You can take your pick of the birthers of note (and I won’t name names here) who are Obama misinformation purveyors.
So then, the obvious conclusion is that the selection of Barack Obama to become president was carefully made, with his skin color and funny name, specifically for the purpose of creating the birther movement, which is actually spurious. The whole reason for the plot is to distract that powerful counterforce lying nascent on the Internet, comprised of true patriots™ and keyboard warriors™ (those immune from the drug-laden chemtrails and fluoride in the drinking water) who if not distracted by Obama would be focused on the real aims of the PI.
Basically, if one just denies all the evidence and all the testimony of folks on both sides, then suddenly everything fits perfectly. The remaining task to complete the theory is to identify the powerful intelligence. I will leave that up to you:
What is the biggest birther story of 2016?
- Former birther Donald Trump elected president (48%, 46 Votes)
- Donald Trump states categorically that Barack Obama was born in the US (19%, 18 Votes)
- Birther Sheriff Joe Arpaio defeated in re-election bid (17%, 16 Votes)
- Zullo announces final news conference and proof that Obama's birth certificate is a forgery (17%, 16 Votes)
Total Voters: 96
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I voted first…where’s my bonus check, dammit…
I think the birther movement most resembles the “String” theory…any day now they’ll be able to prove their theories. In the meantime, just keep “stringing” the sheep along and see how much of their money you can get them to depart with.
Call Foggy at the CIA. (You didn’t think he picked that screen name just for fun, do you?)
that looks like the windscreen on my old bmw….
I thought he was in the State Department.
http://www.answers.com/topic/foggy-bottom
i picked the clintons since they were “supposedly first” – however, my vote or finger went elsewhere
so sorry
I am amazed that the Rand Corporation and/or some kind of reverse vampires have not yet been implicated.
Nah, it’s “Spiderman” from the Turkish delight “3 Dev Adam”!
To quote a smarter (and allegedly prettier) FB’er…..to place Satan in the correct context with regard to The Conspiracy
I am more than a bit offended about this misrepresentation about the cabal. To set the record straight, Satan is only a junior partner, with less than a 5% share in the organization and has little or no say in the day to day operation of the most corrupt tyranny to ever infest the imaginations of “patriots.” Even Mithras and the Gulf Citrus Growers Association have a larger share than him.
Satan’s primary interest in the matter is the development of certain real estate located in New Babylon and Jerusalem but that is really an ancillary matter to our goals. Naturally, there is some small overlap which leads to some synergies, but really our focus is different and obviously we wish to preserve the independence of our brands. I hope this clears up any misunderstandings people might have.
So the PI is God and you just described the creationist version of birtherism? 😉
I couldn’t choose Zombies, so I went for the International Jewish Conspiracy in honor of Misha, and because conservatives ironically both support Israel and hate Jews.
So, back to the SuperConspiracy. Funny how it always comes back to that.
This reminds me of overly sincere attempts by geeks to make sense of Star Trek continuity, and attempts to reconcile the looooooong history of Marvel and DC titles and characters.
The difference of course being that those bodies of work are loved, and the motivation from love of the material. No one loves birfer nonsense. Not even the birfers. Perhaps that’s why no one bothers reconciling it all. No positive motivation for doing so.
It obviously couldn’t be the The New World Order, George Soros, The Clintons, International Bankers, The International Jewish Conspiracy, and Satan … oh, wait, duh, they’re all a part of the NWO. What a clearcut choice!
Still, I voted for “The Clintons” in honor of the 90s legacy of wingnut media driven, internet-enabled, popular conspiracy theorizing / smearing.
Perhaps this comes under “International Bankers” but I know a couple of people who always come to the conclusion that:
Everything that happens, including who is President of the United States, is determined by giant corporations.
Did you leave out the Bilderbergers on purpose, you deviant conspirator you? And what about the Discordians?
I don’t think Doc did sufficient research before he chose the categories. If he had, he would have learned that the International Jewish Conspiracy and International Banksters are the same organization. Both are headed by George Soros, who is also affiliated with the New World Order, although the Vatican and the Jesuits are the main players in the New world Order.
Or so I’m told.
How could you forget ‘Emperor Palpatine’ on your poll? The Star Wars prequels make it clear: that dude is behind *everything*.
May I write in That Creepy Eddie Haskell?
I was gonna say that it wasn’t funny, dragging Eddie into this ’cause he died last month, but upon fact checking before hitting submit, I found that it was actually ‘Lumpy’ Rutherford that died.
You could be onto something with Eddie you know. Ward once said that he was so polite that it was almost ‘un-American’.
However, Eddie was an LAPD cop in the 70’s and got shot 3 times in the line of duty. So he has probably earned a little bit of respect. Might have been a false flag operation though, you never know.
I’m gonna need to see Harrison Bounel (“Lumpy”) Rutherford’s long form death certificate.
Birtherism is proof that the cosmological constant exists after all.
And, birther theory is much like peering deeper and deeper into a fractal…the patterns keep repeating themselves over and over again with only the slightest of perturbations from level to level to give the appearance of overall chaos at the macro level of existence.
The Sith are just an NWO front, and Palpatine was nothing but a Darth Soros double destined to take the heat from Luke. You really need to read the Level 39 issue of the NWO playbook (the library on Zh’koonaxx III may still have a copy). Anything else is just smoke and mirrors to fool potential infiltrators.
I voted “reptoids” but am very disappointed that the French (the obviois choice) aren’t on the list.
(Also it’s “planet” Krypton, not “plant” Krypton; and wouldn’t General Zod be a better candidate than Jor-El?)
Or the Dutch… They’re just plain evil
And don’t get me started on the BELGIANS!
Zod for President!
Voted Soros, but we all know it’s actually the Illuminati.
I’ll drop this note to see if Doc Coward has unbanned me. But if he has I’ll waste him when I post. Cowards are ugly and hate being beaten up by people with moral virtue and Doc Coward is stupid with nothing in his brain.
Doc, stop your hating. Take your CIA money and go to an island and sip your drinks. Shut up.
[I’m not into hating people, but I certainly get angry when I see aggressive ignorance, and veiled threats. So you’re still banned. Come back in 2014 if you’ve made any progress in your quest. Doc.]
No matter the potshots you liberal fascists are taking at Zullo and me, (I’m King of Shambhala aka KOS) the news that brought me here because Doc Coward has unbanned me is that Linda’s been telling me about the Doc lately and she’s been recently smeared at BIN and she’s looking for new people to spread the good news she’s providing. You’ll be seeing LInda show up here and you’ll have to answer what she taklks about.
This isn’t about putting up a Ronald McDonald clown and throwing paint at him.
You little fascists have to answer to the topic. You can run but we’ll track you down. I’m a rabbit hunter so I know what dodging means.
Linda says she’s born in Topeka so your work is cut out for you. You can track that down unless you’re a CIA shill and are paid to not report or comment anything that can reveal Obama. If you people have decided that Obama’s innceont before being judged well that not the US Law. The USA law is “Innocent until proven guilty”. You people have warped your twisted minds into thinking “All guilty are innocent because you can’t catch them;” You radicals like Bill Ayers are playing at “Catch me if you can” with the law and order.
You’re all cowards just like Doc Obot.
Your duty is the criticize the POTUS, Thomas Jefferson said that not me.
He’s innocent until proven guilty by the law but covering up a criminal like Obama is a felony of which you’re guilty here at Doc Coward’s website.
Thom Jefferson says “The citizen who doesn’t criticize the POTUS is a traiitor becuae otherwise we fall into Tyranny.”
If you people don’t criticize Linda’s facts and go research if what she says is true you’re traitors because you’re not investigating Obama.
Saying Linda’s not saying the truth is of no value because you don’t have any idea about that. Research and then talk or else keep your peace and SHUT UP. Kindly. Geir Smith aka KOS.
I went with the “International Jewish Conspiracy.” It’s the most survivable.
Odd…I was thinking the clear choice was the Belgians….
now I see you beat me to identifying the true Master villains….
Well, Doc, I voted for you, out of respect, but I actually think the power behind this is Emo Phillips.
Think about it, won’t you? Hmmm…
Mind you, if we agree that Orly is insane, you should read the sci-fi drivel on the Butterdezillion site. If that’s what the mind of a “happily-married Christian mother of four” produces, I can’t think of a better advertisement for atheism.
I voted Jor El from the Planet Krypton, and unlike some others I actually have a valid reason for my vote.
According to the Thoughtprint Decoding technique discovered by (self) acclaimed forensic profiler Andrew G. Hodges, what you say can give a glimpse into the truth. Using his techniques I have discovered that when Obama said “My father was Jor El from the Planet Krypton” and he was sent to save the Planet Earth, I can see that he was SAYING THE LITERAL TRUTH!!!
And the fact that RC radio keeps playing that at the beginning of their show, obviously on Obama’s Direct Orders, SHOWS that he is forcing true reverence to his TRUE FATHER and HIS TRUE MISSION!!
SO THERE WE GO! THE TRUTH IS REVEALED AT LAST!!
That’s because we’re behind everything.
I want my share of Hollywood.
I’m too busy with my newspaper to help you.
The Obot boss made a lot of money last night gambling on the Aussie dollar!
Whohoo! We underthings might get a raise next month!
Stuff like this is why I banned you, and have done so again.
I have never taken Linda seriously to look into what she says. She may well have been born in Topeka, Kansas, but President Obama was not, so what’s the point?
Note: that is a rhetorical question, since Geir is banned and can’t reply.
Our wannabe prophet strikes out again. ROTFL
Sometimes there’s a fat line between eccentric and full on bat guano psychotic.
Or being single, or gay, or without children. 😉
that’s not what string theory is….http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/String_theory
which one are you ??
nobody likes the dutch.
I’ve decided that geir is over the top, and I don’t much appreciate his tack or the cut of his jib. I don’t think that kind of talk helps anyone. speak your piece, get in and get out, like a good solo in a song…. but that kind of inflammatory rhetoric is never a good idea, it doesn’t advance the discussion at all.
i’m the one who alerted him at BIN, and now I wish I hadn’t. he doesn’t represent anything I stand for, and I think that warrants mentioning here. Doc i’m glad you pulled his plug, in the essence of civility, and the promotion of decent dialog.
sorry for that guys.
I think we can all do a better job of being nicer, in our day to day intercourse, and I hope he cools it in future days, and gets back on point.
My thoughts, exactly.
again, I don’t know what you mean, by that miss misha.
“Who you callin’ miss?”
“Sorry, I have a cold.”
I suggest you learn names and genders. In Russian, Misha and Sasha are men’s names.
Perhaps “Bernadine/scott e” is confused about his/her gender roles.
oh.. sorry boris, I thought you were a girl.
Somehow I doubt the sincerity of your little “oops” here Scott. Somehow Misha is the only name here that you chose to intentionally put “miss” or other female gender-specific references towards. Yet there are posters by the name of Donna and Deborah, who are clearly female that you don’t.
Plus, you are really no stranger to this forum and have been coming here on and off for a few years now. Misha is one of the most established regular posters here and there are no shortages of explanations and anecdotes of who HE is on a regular basis.
So, I suspect you are yet once again just being disingenuous and immature and seeing how long you could get away with veiled smears at Misha, before he got around to correcting you.
Typical juvenile punk troll behavior, if you ask me…
BS.
BTW, Obama is still president. You and your ilk are still foaming at the mouth. Popcorn.
When are you going to start your keyboard warrior campaign against Ted Cruz?
“Innocent until proven guilty… unless we decide he’s already guilty which in case you’re all guilty for declaring him innocent.”
I think I have that right.
I do. Contrary to some reports, the Dutch (especially the young) don’t see Germans as evil. All Dutch I have met so far were very nice and sympathetic people.
Same in German. (There’s that classical comedy stint about the son who tells his parents he’s in love with Sascha and they are shocked because they think their son is gay and the typical “comedy of errors” hilarity ensues.)
I suspect, in 30 years most birthers will consider themselves “veterans of the eligibility wars of 2012” and have meetings where they wear their self-made medals, like “Big Cross of the Orly Trials” or “Ballot Challenge Medal of Honor”. If they all live to be 100, that is.
Agreed.
I suspect that in 30 years, most birthers will have been dead for 20.
If they all live to be 100, most of them will still be dead in 30 years, I suspect.
Quite a few of the birthers wouldn’t have to wait 30 years to hit the 100 mark… just sayin…
“I suspect, in 30 years most birthers will consider themselves “veterans of the eligibility wars of 2012″
Pull up a chair kids and let me tell you how we almost removed the president with something called “The Surprise Citizens Grand Jury”…..
Who’s on first?
“And we took on the paid Obama hoards of Fogbow lead by Doc Con and we won every argument.”
“… and we would have won using geometric logic and silver balls, but we flunked geometry and never had any balls in the first place. Now kids, let me tell you of the million man protests that stormed Washington DC and frog-marched the usurper down Pennsylvania Ave…”
Speaking of birther theories, whats up with them taking a word and adding “gate” to it? They realize that doing that doesn’t make it a new word, right? They sure do have a hard on for their “He’ll resign like Nixon did!” fantasy as of late.
Naturally.
Yeah, there seems to STILL be a surprising amount of residual but-hurt within a certain mentality on the GOP side about “one of their own” (Nixon) going down in shame back in the day…
…So they have been desperate ever since to have their own “Watergate” fantasies come true on the left. …These are sad, pathetic little tribal turdball minds that simply wish for a world that wallows in the same slimy depths that they themselves do.
True regressives in every sense of the word. Sane “conservatives” no longer have a party to call home and they’ve lost the right to be taken seriously anymore, until they get the balls to take responsibility for letting their bad actors run wild and start to lack tolerance for their own crazy.
The other, more conspiracist explanation would be that they have decided to “cry wolf” so often and loud that nobody will care anymore if a future Republican President does something actually impeachable.
I have made the same criticism of German politicians because claims that certain laws or ideas from the administration are “unconstitutional” were heard on an almost weekly basis in the last 2 years.
It’s a standard propaganda tactic, a version of “guilt by association”. It invokes the connotation of Watergate (not only grounds for impeachment but a criminal act).
For example, our right-wing press calls asylum seekers “Asylant” (instead of the common term “Asylbewerber”) because the “-ant” suffix carries a mostly negative connotation in German, as does the prefix “Asi-” (“anti-social”) which is more aurally prominent to the German ear in “Asylant” (“Asi-lant”) than it is in “Asylbewerber” (“Asyl-Bewerber”).
Another prominent example is the description of abortion by radical German pro-lifers as “Babycaust”.