Our limerick contest was a great success. It’s time to sharpen your poetic skills once again, in the Obama Conspiracy Theories Haiku Contest.
Here are the rules:
- The Haiku must consist of three lines containing 5, 7 and 5 syllables respectively.
- Some idea in the poem must suggest a season of the year.
- The poem must relate to some conspiracy theory about Barack Obama or presidential eligibility.
- All entries should be left as comments to this article.
- The winner will be selected through a viewer poll.
- Contest closes at midnight May 23.
Sample entry:
Obama in chains Frog marched out of the White House It's April Fools' Day
Learn more:
- List of seasonal words from Yuki Teikei Haiku Society
- List of seasonal words from the University of Virginia
- BARE BONES School of Haiku (lessons on writing Haiku)
Soon to be summer
Warm wind turning the pages
Of de Vatel’s truth
Ooh. A haiku contest. A good haiku is tough. Most people end up just counting syllables and churn out garbage.
Winter’ s discontent
Natural Born Citizen
Barack elected
Winter winds weaken
Political winds warming
Birthers still shiver
Barack Obama
Forgery and Theft
Siamese Twins
Typically, for someone who has been unable to follow even the simplest, most well-established legal procedures, that violates the syllabic scheme for a haiku. A haiku is 5, 7, 5, as doc made clear. Yours is 5, 5, 4. Not even close
Sad Birfer Orly
Sanction NO Let me FEEENISH
Spider Eyes Weep Hate
Summer is coming
The NBC clause must die
Controversy stops
For this reason I thought the comment really from Dr. Taitz, or from some very clever person with a sophisticated sense of humor. Based on the IP address, I think it is the former.
The question is whether this ineligible entry should be excluded from the ballot or whether the voters should decide.
Paper proof aside
Birthers will still be whining
As autumn leaves fall
May I suggest an appropriate prize for the winner?
i think you can guess my position.
Barack releases
Long form birth certificate
Glaring forgery
Slight variation on my previous submission:
Barack releases
Long form birth certificate
I need a new meme
I think you should declare it the winner, then we should all sue you to have it overturned and have the runner up declared winner.
😉 YES, WE CAN!
“WHERE’S THE LONG BC???”
Late spring docu-dump stumps Trump
All Vattellists now…
I see that. I think I’m getting the hang of it, though.
BTW, I am using the <pre> tag to make it look like that.
No question the whites
Barack won’t meet our demands
Truly not racist
I think you should give her exactly the same leeway the courts have given her when it’s been clear she doesn’t understand the rules….
Enough rope to hang herself
Our most prolific thinker at The Birther Think Tank will not post here, but feels sorrow for the Poetry Deprived:
Dead leaves in Autumn
Numbers fell ever downward.
Spring brought long green forms.
The Head Researcher
Barack Obama
Where art thou from, Dear Leader?
Somewhere, I suppose.
Thanks for your worthy contribution.
There once was a lady named Orly
As a Lawyer she performed very poorly
So she made up some verse
And ol’ Doc got real terse
‘Cause apparently she has no concept of the rules of poetry or jurisprudence-y
Well I think that de Vattel said, somewhere in The Law of Poetry (1789 translation) that a naturalized Haiku did not have to have the 5 syllable first line that a natural born Haiku must have.
Yes, but as Blackwell pointed out, English Common Haiku does not have to follow the rules that are laid out by Swiss Misstery Haiku
For summer reading,
You seek the certificate?
Twelve-fifty Punchbowl.
Uhhh, you’re missing the seasonal reference, I think.
Dr. Conspiracy’s theory of poetry: to write good poetry, you must first purge yourself of all the bad poetry.
Born in hawaii
Sixty nine million voters
November return
A Springtime Rondeau
Shape shifting reptiles . . . perhaps
Sound of Vattel
We’re in the endgame
As the long days grow longer
Think “Any day now …”
Congress remove him?
The courts, the military?
We must rise up soon.
The Fall campaign looms
Barack’s birth was their focus
Bin Laden was his.
A long hot summer
That usurperin’ mofo
Ain’t goin’ nowhere.
Founders lost their luster?
The nutjobs have new heroes:
Muslims! Arab Spring.
Soetoro thief
Born a Brit so not legit
Summer of deceit
Springtime for birthing
An ACORN Falls in the woods
Summer votes. Some ain’t.
Barack Obama
Allegedly born
in summer—claims earth is round.
Explain the raked leaves!
Birfoon Winter time
Donny and the ginger rat
Big O says HA HA
Spring time for Hitler
The Birfoon goose step is fail
Farah’s ‘tache bristles
Death of Osama
Barack’s October Surprise
Glad Bush played along
Spring fox Trump barking
Guess Obama’s birthday place
Carnival show stumped
Cover all his tracks
A quilt of snow in winter
The thaw reveals lies
Our most prolific thinker at The Birther Think Tank, encourages the “Obotski” attempt to write more Haiku and exercise that under-utilized side of their brain. Therefore, she sets the bar much higher, probably TOO HIGH, to provide the Obotski something to shoot for. She expects “High Kudos.”
Obama High Coup???
“Why?” coo the Little Cuckoos?
Beaucoups pray “not sue.”
[Note: This Haiku utilizes the “summer animal” of “little cuckoos”, with the KU sound. This follows the use of the word “coup”, a sight pun suggesting “coop”, or a “house for birds.” She also sound puns “haiku” with the term “High Coup.” Again with “Why coo”. and she utilizes the KU sound in Beaucoups, while punning the Japanese word for summer “natsu” with “Not sue,” thus maintaining consistency with the two “season words” and logical consistency with birds praying for summer, while certain crazy persons (cuckoos) pray the issue not end up in court.]
The Head Researcher
Pimping a website
Grunty little birtherbeast
Racist she has been
Frowning Corsi fumes
Here’s the birth certificate
Book sales fall, leaves lie
Sum-sum-summer time,
Winter, spring and fail, Orly
Never disappoints.
June is Dairy Month!
Though birther teats are empty
Corsi sucks . .. in bed
mine above corrected:
A Springtime Rondeau
Shape shifting reptiles . . . perhaps
The sound of Vattel
Re: Head Researcher
:
“If you feel compelled to explain your work in order for a reader to understand it, it needs rewriting.” E.B. White
“Re: Head Researcher
:
“If you feel compelled to explain your work in order for a reader to understand it, it needs rewriting.” E.B. White”
=====================================
Our most prolific thinker at The Birther Think Tank crammed bilingual puns, sight puns, cultural references, words from 3 languages, single language puns, and parallel allusions into 17 syllables. Knowing of the Obot propensity to NOT read things, she calculated no one read Dr. Conspiracy’s Haiku links above, and would miss the ‘little cuckoos” and “natsu” things for sure.
Her original first line was —“High, From Counting Coup???”, but she didn’t want to have to explain what that was in relation to bragging about court victories while inflicting no serious injuries on the Birther Movement.
She probably should have tendered her previously written Haiku, below, but this contest was for NEW KU, and she tries to play fair.
Birthers and Obots
We spell “Morons” with an “A”.
They worship the “O”.
The Head Researcher
Mary month of May,
Our Lady wrote a haiku-
Ineligible?
It depends on how you pronounce it. Orlyanka (one of these days I will have to explain that one- but for now it is WBUH) “may” and then “may not”, pronounce ‘forgery’ with a syllabic “r” . Like Czech “Brno”. Fo-rrr- dzha- reee
As for the rest, have heard her pronounce “and” as two syllables. Siamese – now that is easy, it is four syllables in every language she speaks fluently. Even Russian Siamskie Bliznetsy.
I am in favour of letting the voters decide whether Orly’s entry “constitutes” a natural born haiku, but the Ozzie Larrikin will probably claim it needs a male sovereign. begetter.
H.R.:
You wrote: “Knowing of the Obot propensity to NOT read things, she calculated no one read Dr. Conspiracy’s Haiku links above, and would miss the little cuckoos” and “natsu” things for sure.”
Helpful advice: when you calculate, keep in mind this aphorism from the world of computer science: garbage in/garbage out.
You wrote: “Her original first line was —”High, From Counting Coup???”, but she didn’t want to have to explain what that was in relation to bragging about court victories while inflicting no serious injuries on the Birther Movement.”
Right.The birther movement has always looked to the courts as the only viable method (outside of an armed insurrection) to remove Obama, and yet you smirkily suggest that the birther court record of 74 cases and 0 wins has inflicted “no serious injuries on the Birther Movement.” You’re deluding yourself. .
Then again, perhaps you’re right; how can you injure a movement that is clinically brain-dead.
The BC released
The birfers cry foul again
And summer moved on
Black Prez in the House
What must not be can not be
To winter-cold hearts
Cherry blossoms fall
Long-form’s release fools many
It’s another fake
or
Cherry blossoms fall
Long-form finally released
Too late for Lakin
Lame Cherry Blossom
Insanity is your name
Bigots hate always
Rightie says The One
Messiah is the other name
Call it truth man crush
Spring rains on your parade
The certificate flys free
All wingnuts cry foul
Layer of electric light
The scanner is not the cert
Winter gloom birfoon
Birfoon thy name lies
No truth only lies every time
Dead leaves show your shame
Shameful birfoon lies
Truth is a foreign country
Falling leaves from Kenya
Leo’s secrets found
Frogs ribbit…birthers pivot
All Vattellists now
Dominic Strauss-Kahn
Perp walked one fine spring morning
but was he frog marched?
Spring green forms of State
In on it…EVERYONE!
The circle grows large
(sorry, it’s a little addictive)
Mae Beavers Blissful
In ignorance dwells the spring
RC Show intrudes
Conspiracies dashed!
April is the cruelest month
To fringe hatemongers.
Birthers’ so-called “facts”
Made up as they go along
Spring forth off dumb minds
(Cheating a little by using “Spring” in a different meaning… 😉
From a comment at Dr. Kate’s,
Save Constitution
Springtime book, has no effect
See you in the news
Soil-born Obama
From American mama
Fall birth brings drama
For birthers, they flock
A Sixties’ summer wedlock
Makes them laughing stock
They’ve seen his BC
Shown from sea to shining sea
Convinced they won’t be
Spring birthers cry foul
Don’t they have better to do
Like watching paint dry
Treason cries the nuts
I want my coup they demand
Summer covers tears
Fall lawyer does fail
Dental Chair of Love is used
Charles tells us all
Black Man Elected
Hate can’t see past uppity
Winter of despair
I don’t believe that any rule forbids a haiku from rhyming:
Birth on soil is swell
Fall winds on Lake Neuchatel
Blow away Vattel
Silly season’s here
Corsi made to look like ass
Punk’d! by Obama
President Orly
Nuclear Winter Deaths
Birther Dreams Die
Black Man Cleaning House
Mopping up A Male Egos
Unopposed Til Spring
Your Haiku Kung Fu
You must adjust as solar dust
Or Your Hai Kung You
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku
“Haiku, plural haikuee, is a very short form of Japanese poetry typically characterized by three qualities:
The essence of haiku is “cutting” (kiru). This is often represented by the juxtaposition of two images or ideas and a kireji or ‘cutting word’ between them, a kind of verbal punctuation mark which signals the moment of separation and colours the manner in which the juxtaposed elements are related.
Traditional haiku consist of 17 ON (also known as morae), in three phrases of 5, 7, and 5 on respectively. Any one of the three phrases may end with the kireji. Although haiku are often stated to have 17 syllables, this is inaccurate as syllables and ON are not the same.
A kigo (seasonal reference), usually drawn from a saijiki , an extensive but defined list of such words. The majority of kigo, but not all, are drawn from the natural world. This, combined with the origins of haiku in pre-industrial Japan, has led to the inaccurate impression that haiku are necessarily nature poems.
Modern Japanese gendai haiku are increasingly unlikely to follow the tradition of 17 on or to take nature as their subject, but the use of juxtaposition continues to be honored in both traditional haiku and gendai. There is a common, although relatively recent, perception that the images juxtaposed must be directly observed everyday objects or occurrences.”
Silly season here
We just want transparency
Wait I meant Vattel
all the best ideas are gone already *cry*
Reality Check
Radio tonight, at 9
“Among the Truthers” 😉
_______________________________
Which is to say, special show tonight on R.C. Radio at 9 p.m. Eastern time.
___________________________________________________________
Click here to join the show. Call in number: (347) 324-5546
__________________________________________
Jonathan Kay, author of “Among the Birthers,” discusses the psychology of conspiracy theorists. His book is about truthers, birthers, and other conspiracy theorists. I listened to his interview on the Diane Rehm Show last week, and he’s an excellent guest for R.C. Radio. Please join us if you can!
Obama Kenya.
Stop lying about birth place.
In 2012.
Carnival Barkers
Lucas D Smith is one too
Cash Whining Boo Hoo
Pretty good one. You are very talented and I am sure that you will win.
And since we are on the topic of poetry you all should check out my poetic and beautiful take down of the shoddy investigative journalism by WND and Jerome Corsi.
“Lucas Smith: The War Report (Coast Province Kenya vs Jerome Corsi & WND)”
(1 of 3) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXXqkcpWuNQ&feature=channel_video_title
(2 of 3) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1PjBKNKmuk&feature=relmfu
(3 of 3) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8V5QhsHrEA&feature=relmfu
Ineligible,
and yet: second White House Eid.
Sharia is next.
Release the long form
Birthers cry out in winter
Democracy wins
Mail-order lawyer
Vexed by corrupt court system
Disbarred in summer?
The Lawyer loses.
Yet, the Truth is extracted.
The Dentist laughs last!
The Head Researcher, as Agent.
The sheriff is near
He so smart birthers so dumb
Candygram for Trump
I missed the seasonal requirement. Ah well, it stands well enough on its own.
Mahalo Doc! I love the haiku form & hope I will have time to submit several.
Ko’olau mists fall
On Obama’s true birthplace.
Birthers are still nutz.
Birth Certificate
Taken back in past summer
Doc’s Delorean
Sun rises, sun sets,
Earth spins through the Milky Way,
Birthers try and fail.
The tiny male spider
Mates, dies. His futility,
Like birther “research”.
Birfoons did succeed!
Now we know who put moron
In oxymoron
Beware o Birthers
of cognitive dissonance
it can cause whiplash
Nails on chalkboad voice
makes other lawyers ears bleed
and judges sit stunned
Summer approaches
Hawaii confirms his birth
I’ll grill some burgers
See My, Lucas Smith’s
Naked Lady Lawyer Art
Springtime Cleaning Sale
Summer is coming
Mister Smith no passport stamps
Lucas rapes the truth.
Green shoot of a fact
And Orly’s legal black thumb —
Deadly plague vector.
Frogs, rutting in Spring
Hidden beneath lily pads
Circles never end.
The Head Researcher, as Agent
[Note: This one is deep.]
Oh Lucas D. Smith
your POSKBC’s
a phony, like you
Chief Obama Pumped
His Long Form Humps Chump Trump’s Rump
Fall See’s Corsi Slump
Coffee beans ripen
Obama shows his long form
Strong and Hawaiian
The fall of a man
Altered facts, pixels, and myths
Truth will unveil him
Moldovan Aethers
Cloak Notus Africanus
In a Hoary Rime
The Head Researcher, as Agent
Hot Air fogs Cold Glass.
Seeing through Transparency
Becomes such a pane.
The Head Researcher, as Agent
Campaigned hope with lies
Fall of truth; logic; reason
Pragmatic treason
Spring into attack!
Spew Hegel, Alinsky too
Truth? Mob comes for you!
Keep spinning the lies
Wrap silk around all your prey
Truth will spring away
Intelligent facts
Protect the rat from the fall
Blame it on RIO
Ironic Winter.
Where those who have covered up,
End with a Bad Cough.
The Head Researcher, as Agent.
Springtime for Birthers
Oh no, long form released!
Pretend experts rule.
Which Spring Horse unseats?
Marshals nays at Waterloo?
May be Corsican.
The Head Researcher, as Agent.
The contest is now closed..
ultimate vindication
November the 6th
Doc Conspiracy